There is no "one size fits all" choice when it comes to parenting, and what may seem appropriate to one parent may seem out of the question to another. I often find myself feeling guilty and second rate when I explain to people how long I have left in school. I have been diligently plugging away at my pre-requisites for over 2 years now but still have several classes left, not to mention the subsequent 2 years of nursing school. Why do I feel like because I am only taking one or two classes at a time that I am not a dedicated student?
I do not believe in putting my children in full time childcare. I realize there are families out there that have to do so because of money but we are not in that situation. There are benefits to having your children in childcare, but not full time. I refuse to have someone else raise my children so that I can be done with school sooner or work full time. I'm lucky I have a choice and I feel for those who do not. My son is now in kindergarten but my daughter attends two afternoons a week at an in-home daycare. The socialization is good for her but at 4 years old, her best teacher is mom (and dad). My kids don't understand the importance of my schooling. They do understand that they are my priority and that I am here for them whenever they need me. They see that I care enough about them to be involved in their education and contribute to community events surrounding our family. How can these investments be equalled by NOT being around them and involved?
So, why do my priorities of being a good parent (my sense of a good parent) have to compete with a priority of being a dedicated student? I know in my heart that I work hard at all I take on, but often it seems like, aside from parenting in general, most other things I do are never done as well as I'd like. Of course, it's not humanly possible to 100% of oneself to multiple things.
I ask myself often "What will have the greatest impact on my children?" and the answer is what I usually go with. Schooling has been hard as I do have to leave my children two evenings a week and squeeze in schoolwork at home whenever I can, but somehow I have been able to live with the decisions and scheduling of our activities.
Balance is something each parent has to find on his/her own terms. I believe that everyone is different and the only right and wrong answers are individually applicable. There is no "one size fits all" when it comes to parenting and that's ok. I do not compare myself to other parents and I hope that no one else does the same to me.
All the hard work and scheduling challenges I've faced this past school year will pay off in exactly one week from today when Spring 2011 quarter is over. If all goes as planned, I will earn A's in my two college courses and summer will be welcomed with a HUGE sigh of relief.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Easing Into Summer
It's that time of the quarter, where the internal struggle rises between the desire to relax and the obligation to continue pushing hard, getting schoolwork done.
In my Anatomy & Physiology class, the workload has increased enormously. The amount of content that is required of us to absorb and learn is unbelievable. I am a good student and have a GPA of 3.89, and yet I am having a lot of difficulty maintaining my confidence that I will get an A out of this class. Today I am having to forgo volunteering in my son's kindergarten class just so I can get through studying all the content needed before my class on campus tonight.
I, of course, feel terribly guilty about missing my volunteer shift. My son is 6 and learning to read. Getting him to read at home is a struggle, but when I'm in the classroom with him, he wants me to read with him and no one else ;) Missing my volunteer shift today means missing the opportunity to read with him and his experience of confidence-building by having mom there.
My internal struggle includes my obligations as a mom. Essentially, I am putting my academic performance above my son's. However, he is in kindergarten and I am taking one of the hardest classes I've taken yet. I have weighed the pros and cons, and eventually came to this choice. Understandably, my son doesn't understand the importance of my school work. He just knows I'm choosing NOT to be with him at school. I just have to keep reminding myself that sometimes little sacrifices are necessary. My son will forget that I missed his class in a day or so. But, the time spent on studying will directly affect my performance in A&P, and the grade from this class is important for program admissions.
Thankfully, there are only 2 weeks left in the quarter. My husband and I made the decision together that I will take the summer off. I so desperately look forward to being able to devote my attention and my time solely to my children and to our enjoyment of summer! Hopefully by June 15th (my last class), the weather will look up and it will actually feel like summer. I can't wait.
In my Anatomy & Physiology class, the workload has increased enormously. The amount of content that is required of us to absorb and learn is unbelievable. I am a good student and have a GPA of 3.89, and yet I am having a lot of difficulty maintaining my confidence that I will get an A out of this class. Today I am having to forgo volunteering in my son's kindergarten class just so I can get through studying all the content needed before my class on campus tonight.
I, of course, feel terribly guilty about missing my volunteer shift. My son is 6 and learning to read. Getting him to read at home is a struggle, but when I'm in the classroom with him, he wants me to read with him and no one else ;) Missing my volunteer shift today means missing the opportunity to read with him and his experience of confidence-building by having mom there.
My internal struggle includes my obligations as a mom. Essentially, I am putting my academic performance above my son's. However, he is in kindergarten and I am taking one of the hardest classes I've taken yet. I have weighed the pros and cons, and eventually came to this choice. Understandably, my son doesn't understand the importance of my school work. He just knows I'm choosing NOT to be with him at school. I just have to keep reminding myself that sometimes little sacrifices are necessary. My son will forget that I missed his class in a day or so. But, the time spent on studying will directly affect my performance in A&P, and the grade from this class is important for program admissions.
Thankfully, there are only 2 weeks left in the quarter. My husband and I made the decision together that I will take the summer off. I so desperately look forward to being able to devote my attention and my time solely to my children and to our enjoyment of summer! Hopefully by June 15th (my last class), the weather will look up and it will actually feel like summer. I can't wait.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Evaluation of Weekly Goals
This last week feels to have zoomed by very quickly. I barely had time to remember that I'd posted Weekly Goals let alone, the awareness to get them done. I am satisfied with my completion of goal #1. I was diligent about taking my anti-inflammatory and pain medications. My back is getting a little bit better and I'm excited to report that I finally got an appointment with a neurosurgeon. I continue to work at my positivity. It is a daily struggle.
Did I remember my shopping bags? Well, technically, no. But, that is just because I did not go grocery shopping. So, does that count? Ha! Hardly. Had I needed to go to the store, I'm certain that I would have forgotten my reusable shopping bags, so I feel I did not achieve goal #2.
Setting realistic goals is a hard one. I find that simply listing out the simple goals makes achieving them a little easier. It makes the lot of goals seem less overwhelming and empowers me to take control over my actions. I have felt that overall, my Weekly Goals has kept me accountable and has enabled me to be aware of them more than if I had never put them down on "blog paper".
I will certainly continue to choose simple Weekly Goals, though they will likely not be on my blog once I am finished with requirements for my CMST275 class. I will simply write them down and post them where I can see them often.
Thanks for indulging my attempts to become more organized and more active in achieving the goals I set out for myself.
Did I remember my shopping bags? Well, technically, no. But, that is just because I did not go grocery shopping. So, does that count? Ha! Hardly. Had I needed to go to the store, I'm certain that I would have forgotten my reusable shopping bags, so I feel I did not achieve goal #2.
Setting realistic goals is a hard one. I find that simply listing out the simple goals makes achieving them a little easier. It makes the lot of goals seem less overwhelming and empowers me to take control over my actions. I have felt that overall, my Weekly Goals has kept me accountable and has enabled me to be aware of them more than if I had never put them down on "blog paper".
I will certainly continue to choose simple Weekly Goals, though they will likely not be on my blog once I am finished with requirements for my CMST275 class. I will simply write them down and post them where I can see them often.
Thanks for indulging my attempts to become more organized and more active in achieving the goals I set out for myself.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
The Emotional Straw and a Light
Last night I received the bad news that my back injury is pretty serious. A MRI confirmed that my L4/L5 disc is ruptured and that significant pressure is being put on the nerve roots at that junction. This is not surprising news based on the pain I've had for the last 4 weeks, but it hit hard to see it on paper, undisputable. My doctor laid it out for me and stated surgery was likely.
To say it put me in a funk would be putting in lightly. I spiraled emotionally and felt the doom of "forever" with back pain or inevitable surgery. It's amazing how the light shed on a situation from one person can be different than that which is shed by another. My dear physical therapist bestowed a new outlook for me. Serious yet, but surgery? Not necessarily. We had a long talk today about options. I left feeling empowered and positive.
My normal positive nature has been shaken these last few weeks. Living in constant pain (except when medicated) takes it's toll on a person and I have a new respect for those who live with chronic pain. It has affected my ability to learn, study and maintain my emotional composure. Let's not even begin to talk about what my back pain has done to my children.
Blah. Blah. Blah. Wah. Wah. Wah.
I am not a complainer. I hate to think of how I must sound to all my CMST275 classmates, however, this has been a significant hurdle in my life this year. Being benched from running has been like taking away the medication from someone suffering a mental illness. Running is my therapy, my medication and my church. Without it, I've felt sad, tired and endlessly frustrated.
The most impactful gift from my physical therapist today?
"You will run again - I promise"
:) Positivity reigns!
To say it put me in a funk would be putting in lightly. I spiraled emotionally and felt the doom of "forever" with back pain or inevitable surgery. It's amazing how the light shed on a situation from one person can be different than that which is shed by another. My dear physical therapist bestowed a new outlook for me. Serious yet, but surgery? Not necessarily. We had a long talk today about options. I left feeling empowered and positive.
My normal positive nature has been shaken these last few weeks. Living in constant pain (except when medicated) takes it's toll on a person and I have a new respect for those who live with chronic pain. It has affected my ability to learn, study and maintain my emotional composure. Let's not even begin to talk about what my back pain has done to my children.
Blah. Blah. Blah. Wah. Wah. Wah.
I am not a complainer. I hate to think of how I must sound to all my CMST275 classmates, however, this has been a significant hurdle in my life this year. Being benched from running has been like taking away the medication from someone suffering a mental illness. Running is my therapy, my medication and my church. Without it, I've felt sad, tired and endlessly frustrated.
The most impactful gift from my physical therapist today?
"You will run again - I promise"
:) Positivity reigns!
Weekly Goals - Week 2
I was so pleased with how well Weekly Goals went last week. I found that simply by stating my goals and "putting them out there" for all to see, I felt more motivated and accountable to stick to them.
So, for week 2, here are a couple of goals that I plan to acheive!
Goal #1 Follow Doc's Orders
I will stay on top of my pain medication as well as take the 800mg 2x daily Ibuprofen treatment to aid in the reduction of inflammation in my back.
Goal #2 Remember My Shopping Bags
It's been a long time since I remembered my shopping bags when going grocery shopping. Consequently, I have ended up with mounds of paper grocery bags taking up space in a cupboard. I need to be more mindful in preparation for my grocery trip each week.
There, simple, but beneficial goals that, if accomplished, will have a positive effect on my well being and my carbon footprint ;)
So, for week 2, here are a couple of goals that I plan to acheive!
Goal #1 Follow Doc's Orders
I will stay on top of my pain medication as well as take the 800mg 2x daily Ibuprofen treatment to aid in the reduction of inflammation in my back.
Goal #2 Remember My Shopping Bags
It's been a long time since I remembered my shopping bags when going grocery shopping. Consequently, I have ended up with mounds of paper grocery bags taking up space in a cupboard. I need to be more mindful in preparation for my grocery trip each week.
There, simple, but beneficial goals that, if accomplished, will have a positive effect on my well being and my carbon footprint ;)
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Follow Up
As many of you have asked, how did I do with my Weekly Goals?
Yes, I cleaned my cell phone 3x this week! Boy, did that feel good.
PT exercises? Well, I did them twice besides doing them at my appointment on Wednesday. I am not happy with how it went however. I am still in a lot of pain and that limits what I can do. I went for a MRI yesterday, so I will hopefully find out the extent to which my back is injured on Monday. There is talk of surgery :(
My patience? Oh, my darling, beautiful kiddos tested me greatly this week. But, I can report, I feel as though I rose to the challenge. My poor daughter is tired of being told she can't do this and she can't do that. She just wants to run, jump and play. It is affecting her mood and, as is expected, she is taking out her frustrations on mama. We had many cuddles filled with tears after a little argument or power-struggle (for those of you who do not have kids, power-struggles are tougher to handle than you would think!). I sympathize for her greatly and this has allowed me to take special consideration when dealing with her fits. My son, however, has been feeling a little left out. Mama has had a few meetings and classes during the evenings so he's been with me all of about 3 hours some days this week. I cannot wait for spring quarter to be done, school to be out and the sun shining. We will have many adventures this summer!
Many times I've questioned my competency as a parent this week. A good parent. I think despite of the unique dynamic we find ourselves in recently (Meah's broken arm, my chronic back pain and school load, etc.), we are doing remarkably well as a family unit. I just need to keep reminding myself that it's OK that my house is not the cleanest, that my kids are challenged and that I am not accomplishing all that I want to.
Yes, I cleaned my cell phone 3x this week! Boy, did that feel good.
PT exercises? Well, I did them twice besides doing them at my appointment on Wednesday. I am not happy with how it went however. I am still in a lot of pain and that limits what I can do. I went for a MRI yesterday, so I will hopefully find out the extent to which my back is injured on Monday. There is talk of surgery :(
My patience? Oh, my darling, beautiful kiddos tested me greatly this week. But, I can report, I feel as though I rose to the challenge. My poor daughter is tired of being told she can't do this and she can't do that. She just wants to run, jump and play. It is affecting her mood and, as is expected, she is taking out her frustrations on mama. We had many cuddles filled with tears after a little argument or power-struggle (for those of you who do not have kids, power-struggles are tougher to handle than you would think!). I sympathize for her greatly and this has allowed me to take special consideration when dealing with her fits. My son, however, has been feeling a little left out. Mama has had a few meetings and classes during the evenings so he's been with me all of about 3 hours some days this week. I cannot wait for spring quarter to be done, school to be out and the sun shining. We will have many adventures this summer!
Many times I've questioned my competency as a parent this week. A good parent. I think despite of the unique dynamic we find ourselves in recently (Meah's broken arm, my chronic back pain and school load, etc.), we are doing remarkably well as a family unit. I just need to keep reminding myself that it's OK that my house is not the cleanest, that my kids are challenged and that I am not accomplishing all that I want to.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Weekly Goals
To add a unique twist to my blog, I've decided to add a Weekly Goals component to my posts. In an attempt to improve my balancing act and implement tasks that I've always wanted to accomplish in my daily life, I am adding Weekly Goals. My Weekly Goals will be a few things that I will strive to accomplish in the week ahead. These will consist of things I've always been unable to find time for or that I've been unable to remember to do.
At the beginning of each week, I will present the 3 or 4 goals I plan to accomplish each week. This is, of course, in addition to the other things that I already do regularly.
So, let's begin with the first edition of Weekly Goals.
#1 - Clean my cell phone
Does it gross anyone out when you think about all the germs on your cell phone? Though it may look clean (aside from the streaks from your skin or hair), it certainly cannot be. This week, I strive to clean my cell phone at least 3 times to avoid bringing unwanted germs into my house (and in contact with my family).
#2 - Do my physical therapy exercises 3x per week
I have been having difficulty keeping up with my PT exercises. I am very good at doing them well at my appointments but struggle to make time to do them at home. This week, I will start doing them at least 3x per week outside of my appointments. As healing from this back injury is a priority for me, doing my exercises is one of the best ways to do so!
#3 - Have more patience with my children
This is a goal I make in my head every week. Some weeks are better than others. This week, especially, it will be imperative that I have more patience. My 4 year old daughter broke her arm and I will have many things I need to do for her. She broke her dominant arm so I will have to help her eat, brush her teeth and many other things. I hope that by documenting my goal of having more patience here, that I will be better able to implement it!
These specific goals as well as the overall administration of Weekly Goals will help me manage my crazy life better. There's always more I want to do and rarely more time to do it in. I look forward to rolling out my Weekly Goals and seeing how it assists me in accomplishing all I want to.
At the beginning of each week, I will present the 3 or 4 goals I plan to accomplish each week. This is, of course, in addition to the other things that I already do regularly.
So, let's begin with the first edition of Weekly Goals.
#1 - Clean my cell phone
Does it gross anyone out when you think about all the germs on your cell phone? Though it may look clean (aside from the streaks from your skin or hair), it certainly cannot be. This week, I strive to clean my cell phone at least 3 times to avoid bringing unwanted germs into my house (and in contact with my family).
#2 - Do my physical therapy exercises 3x per week
I have been having difficulty keeping up with my PT exercises. I am very good at doing them well at my appointments but struggle to make time to do them at home. This week, I will start doing them at least 3x per week outside of my appointments. As healing from this back injury is a priority for me, doing my exercises is one of the best ways to do so!
#3 - Have more patience with my children
This is a goal I make in my head every week. Some weeks are better than others. This week, especially, it will be imperative that I have more patience. My 4 year old daughter broke her arm and I will have many things I need to do for her. She broke her dominant arm so I will have to help her eat, brush her teeth and many other things. I hope that by documenting my goal of having more patience here, that I will be better able to implement it!
These specific goals as well as the overall administration of Weekly Goals will help me manage my crazy life better. There's always more I want to do and rarely more time to do it in. I look forward to rolling out my Weekly Goals and seeing how it assists me in accomplishing all I want to.
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